While flying back to Utah from a visit with family and
friends in the Midwest, I was asked by the stranger sitting next to me
what I learned from my experience. He
was a nicely dressed man who had stopped in Milwaukee to see his aging
mother on his way to a mindfulness retreat in Sedona, Arizona. He said that he had learned to remember check
in with his family to support and keep him grounded. I said without thinking
that I had learned stop and listen.
Over the past year I have had a lot of time to stop and
listen. Having been unemployed since July, I have filled my days with all the
things that I didn't do when working. Parenting style, exercise, diet, and general
household tasks have all come under the scrutiny by me during my newly open schedule. For
instance, instead of panicked rush to find suitable entertainment during days off and early release from school, I embrace these
anomalies in my day, opening my home to as many kids as my son wants to
invite home. Our house has become the go-to spot for games, entertainment, and
food, well-stocked with all the treats these growing boys seem to like.
Exercise has become a new regular routine in my life. Each day I
wake up thinking about how and where I will exercise next. Dressing for the
activity is part of my morning ritual and commitment. In addition to walking
10,000 steps as weather and air quality permits, I have found dance and re-discovered yoga.
Every day that I move gets me out of the house and makes me feel more whole and
complete. In an year I have transformed from barely moving to never getting enough movement.
Being home alone daily has required me to make some dietary
adjustments. For many of us, me included, boredom equals food. While I am not
bored, there are many more transitions and opportunities to snack between daily activities. While tuned in to a
recent Diane Rehm Show, another new daytime treat, I heard about the fast diet,
which espouses both weight and health benefits to weekly fasts. It is focused on reducing food
intake to between 500 – 600 calories per day twice a week. My approach to the
diet is to practice mindfulness in the consumption of food, which has brought
new excitements and challenges to my diet. It has also made my kids aware of other people
they know, such as teachers, who fast regularly.
Speaking of food, as part of the sandwich generation, I have
been caring for my mother for more than ten years since my dad died. Fitting her
need for shopping, doctor appointments, books, and companionship into my work
and family schedule had always been challenging. I found myself being resentful
of her needs because they took time away from me and my family. A couple of
years ago, brought in a live-in caregiver that cleans, does
laundry, and takes her on some appointments. This has helped out tremendously. Now
that I have a more open schedule, I can devote a better time of day weekly to her
care that I am a part of like shopping, doctor appointments, and general home managment. This addition has made me more attentive and
patient of her needs, allowing me feel better about myself and my relationship
with her.
So, what does all of this have to do with what I learned on
my recent trip? During my trip, I spent time with many family members and
friends. My previously “busy” self probably wouldn't have taken the time to visit, much less stop and listen. By visiting on my own and fully entering people’s
lives, I was able to learn how to reconnect with them more fully. The idea of stopping and listening more has made me more
engaged with my surroundings. I was lucky to be able to afford unplanned time off, which allowed me to pause and appreciate others' lives more fully finding treasures that I
hadn't realized were missing from my life.
