Ask

Last week I watched Amanda Palmer’s TED talk on “The Art of Asking.”  She is a musician who started her career as a street performer. In this role she would stand on a box and wait for people to give her money. In exchange for a donation, she would make eye contact and hand them a daisy. It was in this small act of giving and receiving that people connected with each other. From here she started growing her musical career and changed her asking to include more personal things. Using social media, she often asked her fan base for anything from a place to sleep, to a performance venue, or a prop that would be used in a show. The audience responded and she continued to connect with people. At one performance she was handed money, the cost of a pirated album. This gave her the idea to give her music away and trust that people would pay her for it. She took asking to yet another level by letting people be responsible to pay for what they value.

After watching this talk, a couple of things came to mind in my own life. If you don’t ask, people never know that you are in need. People need to be given the opportunity to help others. I have been planning a trip to England this summer. Since the mid-1990, my main source of lodging on trips has involved home exchanging. Because of this, I already have a nice place in Edinburgh established for most of our trip. It frequently takes a lot of asking to find someone who wants to come to Utah. I was fortunate to find a couple who committed almost immediately and booked their  airline tickets. Because of home exchanging, my kids have grown up living in other peoples' homes, and are accustom to the convenience and comfort that this has allowed us. We in return are able to travel to new and interesting places that we would otherwise not be able to afford. Trusting others has enlarged the scope of our world.

Asking has also opened my mind to the generosity of others. While searching for my Edinburgh contact, I made contact with a woman who did not want to come to Utah, but did invite us to visit her while she was in Glasgow. She does not know us but wants us to stay at her home. We have frequently come across people who take home exchanging to the level of hospitality. One couple in Christchurch New Zealand hosted for two days in a lovely suite of rooms in the main portion of their home. They let us explore during the day and enjoy their company each night. Other people have let us to stay in their homes while they were away with no expectation in return. Once a man in Vancouver BC took an unplanned vacation just so that we could stay in his home after his plans to travel to our home were postponed. Another woman in Maryland let us stay in her second home and frequently came to check on us and make sure that we were comfortable. The trust that these people have in us goes a long way towards making the world feel like a better place to live; one full of people who are connected and share their resources without expectations in return.

This leads me back to planning my current trip. I have been in contact for over a year with a young couple in London. Initially they wanted to come to Utah to escape the 2012 Olympics, but our plans didn't match and they went to Iceland instead. We continued to correspond and as we became more familiar, we have exchanged pictures and stories. With a few spare days unaccounted for during my summer travels, I sent them a note and asked if they might be willing to let us stay with them. The response was nearly immediate and very positive. She just said come.

Asking is the essential part of allowing people to give to other people. It is what is right about the world, and is what makes people feel good about each other. This one lesson that I most want my kids to grow up knowing. It is that even though the world seems huge, it is full of people just like us that care about each other. If they are in trouble, or simply wanting to connect with other people, all they need to do is ask.